2. There is no abuse or manipulation.
You might think that this is self-evident and doesn’t even need to be said. But too many people settle for a relationship in which they are abused – emotionally, psychologically, sexually or physically. One time is too much. A normal, healthy relationship is one in which such abuse never happens, because it is not even questioned. The same is true of manipulation. If you have ignored small warning signs thinking that you could « change » the other person’s behavior to be less abusive, you are deluding yourself. You can’t change others: you have to change yourself (and actively work at it).
The right relationship for you does not involve any form of abuse or manipulation. Love does not allow abuse for any reason.
3) Conflicts are resolved in a similar or complementary way for both of you.
Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal. It’s not the conflict itself that’s the problem, but how each person handles the conflict is an important indicator of whether that person is the right fit for you. Two people who have totally different and contradictory ways of handling conflict will not survive long.
You are in the right relationship if you and your partner resolve conflicts in similar or complementary ways. You don’t necessarily have to agree, but you do have to agree on how to conduct discussions and respect each other’s choices and style of arguing.